Last weekend Jason and I attended a beautiful wedding. The bride walked down an aisle of grass canopied by whispering branches of towering pines. The only decorative element in the outdoor sanctuary was a cross, larger than life, covered in mossy green and resplendent with flowers. Roses and peonies spilled down and across the widespread beams, reminding guests that the worst the cross could do, God undid through the death and resurrection of His Son. 

But in the days that followed, as I mulled over the beauty of that cross, I have become overwhelmed by the conviction that the power of the cross is not experienced through displaying the cross or even wearing a cross. The power of the cross is through living the cross.

Mercy does not triumph because I read about the cross or nod my head at certain points in a sermon or podcast I am listening to; mercy triumphs when I hold my tongue instead of speaking out. Grace blooms when I turn my cheek instead of offering my opinion. Love wins when I pay the debt down and offer a kind word or genuine greeting instead of crossing over to the other side of the room.

The cruciform life happens not just as I read God’s Word but as I live out God’s Word in the everyday moments of my life. 

This point was brought home to me several weeks ago as I studied and taught about an encounter between Abigail and David in I Samuel 25. Up until this point in the narrative, when David is treated unjustly or unfairly, he always acts with integrity. He submits to God’s Word and trusts since God has chosen David as the king of Israel, God will put David on the throne at the right moment. But in chapter 25, for the first time, we see that when David is treated wrongly, he is in danger of taking justice into his own hands and becoming a foolish king.

Throughout the book of I Samuel, we see God deliver David in many different ways, but here in I Samuel 25, we see Him deliver David through the wisdom of a woman.

Wisdom’s Way

After Abigail’s husband, Nabal, deeply wrongs and offends David and his group of 400 men, David straps on his sword and says, “`Surely in vain have I guarded all that this fellow has in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that belonged to him, and he has returned me evil for good. God do so to the enemies of David^[ and more also, if by morning I leave so much as one male of all who belong to him’” (I Samuel 25:21-22). In a moment of white-hot anger, David becomes in danger of spilling innocent blood and working salvation with his own hand.

A servant hurries to tell Abigail about the situation, and Abigail acts quickly, decisively, and wisely.

Then Abigail made haste and took two hundred loaves and two skins of wine and five sheep already prepared and five seahs of parched grain and a hundred clusters of raisins and two hundred cakes of figs, and laid them on donkeys. And she said to her young men, “Go on before me; behold, I come after you.” But she did not tell her husband Nabal. And as she rode on the donkey and came down under cover of the mountain, behold, David and his men came down toward her, and she met them. (I Samuel 25:18-20)

Upon seeing David, Abigail flings herself at his feet and says,

“On me alone, my lord, be the guilt. Please let your servant speak in your ears, and hear the words of your servant. Let not my lord regard this worthless fellow, Nabal, for as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name, and folly is with him. But I your servant did not see the young men of my lord, whom you sent. Now then, my lord, as the Lord lives, and as your soul lives, because the Lord has restrained you from bloodguilt and from saving with your own hand, now then let your enemies and those who seek to do evil to my lord be as Nabal. And now let this present that your servant has brought to my lord be given to the young men who follow my lord. Please forgive the trespass of your servant. For the Lord will certainly make my lord a sure house, because my lord is fighting the battles of the Lord, and evil shall not be found in you so long as you live. If men rise up to pursue you and to seek your life, the life of my lord shall be bound in the bundle of the living in the care of the Lord your God. And the lives of your enemies he shall sling out as from the hollow of a sling. And when the Lord has done to my lord according to all the good that he has spoken concerning you and has appointed you prince over Israel, my lord shall have no cause of grief or pangs of conscience for having shed blood without cause or for my lord working salvation himself. And when the Lord has dealt well with my lord, then remember your servant.” I Samuel 25:24-31

Her speech is the centerpiece of the chapter, seasoned with truth and grace, and what God uses to stop David in his tracks from spilling innocent blood and becoming no better than Saul or Nabal, a wicked king or a godless fool. 

Abigail’s actions and words are wise in these specific ways:

• She is humble, takes the blame, and pays down the debt, even when it is not explicitly her fault. 

• She reminds David of the nature of evil:
  • Evil doesn’t play fair. You will never win an argument or fight with evil because evil doesn’t play by the rules. Evil is not neutral; it always has the accuser himself behind it who knows how to flatten hope, twist words, and decimate hearts in a moment. 
  • Evil is fertile. The same seeds of evil you hate in another person will grow in your own heart if you give them any room in your own life through unforgiveness, slander, gossip, disdain, or destructive anger. Evil must be eradicated instead of tolerated, and the only way to eradicate it is to leave justice in God’s hands and pay back evil with good (Romans 12:19-21). 
  • Evil is futile. Evil will ever and always cave in on itself (Psalm 7:12-16). No matter how it seems to triumph in this life, it will not be tolerated beyond the grave. There are eternal consequences for those who are unrepentant and engage in evil behavior and deeds in this life. 

• She implores David to remember the past. Abigail purposefully reminds David just as God was with him in his defeat of Goliath, He will be with him as he waits for justice and deliverance from Nabal. 

• She pleads with David to remember the reality of the present and future. Abigail pleads with David to remember no matter what the appearance of his circumstances might dictate, the reality is God’s Word never fails, and what He has promised will always come to pass. She helps him to remember, “All of God’s delays are maturings, either of the time or of the man” (Derek Kidner). 

Wisdom’s Making 

But here is my favorite point about Abigail: While the situation with David required immediate action, her skills of wisdom and insight had been years in the making. 

Wisdom is not learned overnight, any more than you train for the Olympics overnight. Abigail’s humble, wise, decisive, and discerning response began years before the crisis with David.

Abigail had lived with a fool for a very long time. In fact, the name Nabal is the word for “fool” in Hebrew. Living with a foolish spouse is a difficult and intense form of suffering. But a quote I recently heard from Tyler Staton sums up suffering well: “I do not get to choose when or how I suffer; I do however get to choose what my suffering does to me.”

Abigail chose to let her suffering shape her into a woman of wisdom.

Abigail shows us that a difficult marriage or a difficult or unfair circumstance is not an excuse for unwise character or foolish behavior. No matter what your circumstances are, your character is still your choice. Unfair treatment is not an excuse for foolish behavior.

Abigail also does not use her difficult marriage and foolish spouse as an excuse not to cultivate her gifts, talents, and abilities, thorough knowledge of God’s Word, and deep trust in His character and ways.

I Samuel 25 shows us Abigail knew the ins and outs of their family’s land and business and had earned their staff’s trust. As Proverbs 31:10-12 says, Abigail did her husband “good,” despite his wickedness, and reminds us that the character of an excellent wife has nothing to do with the character of her husband. It certainly helps. But one spouse’s foolishness is not fatalistic or deterministic for the other spouse’s character or future. 

A Greater Wisdom

By the end of I Samuel 25, we see that David is not perfect; he begins making choices that will ultimately lead to his downfall (I Samuel 25:40-43). And we know enough about the human heart to know Abigail is not perfect either. While she shows high character and wise choices through I Samuel 25, we also see a person caught in the crosshairs of an imperfect culture and unwise men. By the end of the chapter, we see that a greater and wiser King is needed for both Abigail and David. 

If we look back to I Samuel 25, when Abigail first encounters David, she falls to the ground in front of him and begs, “`On me alone, my lord, be the guilt’” (I Samuel 25:24). Abigail is not only shouldering the blame for her husband’s foolish sin but interceding on behalf of his entire staff. She is shouldering both the blame and responsibility for a sin and foolishness she did not commit.

Abigail here is not only a picture of wisdom; she is a picture of Jesus and the cruciform life.

Like David, we are going to be wronged. We are going to lose our ever-loving minds, strap our swords on our side, and rage against the unfair treatment we have received. And in our wrath, we often say and do the stupidest things. We say words that feel good to say and seem right, just, and deserved in the moment but leave tremendous carnage and irreparable damage in their wake. 

But here is what we need to remember: Just like Abigail on behalf of David, there is someone shouldering the blame for us, enduring the wrong for us, and interceding for us. He pleads with us in our moments of anger when we have lost the ability to think rationally and act wisely, reminds us to walk away, calms us from the inside out, revives our hearts through the comfort of His Spirit and Word, and sends people into our lives to love us back to life when we have completely shut down. 

As Philippians 2:6-11 says, Jesus,

though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore, God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

He lived the cruciform life for us so that He can now live the cruciform life through us, empowering us to take the message of His gospel to a rage-filled, offended, hurting world.

And when we think on Him, suffering for us, choosing good for us, turning His cheek to evil, submitting to God’s Word and God’s ways for us, we can then submit to Him and trust His ways, even in the most unjust or unfair moments (I Peter 2:19-24).

Through Christ, we are given the power not just to profess the cruciform life but to live the cruciform life and watch it bear eternal fruit. 

When we hold our tongues, we experience an internal peace and deep trust in God’s character that far outweighs any satisfaction we would get from unleashing our pent-up anger on those who have done us wrong. 

When we walk away from conflict instead of stirring up conflict, we gain the strength to live the purposeful, fruitful life God has called us to live instead of expending needless emotional energy on engaging in petty arguments and quarrels.

When we make eye contact, say hello, and offer a kind word instead of cold disdain, we leave justice in God’s hands and are freed from any seeds of evil taking root in our own hearts. We are free to see God move on our behalf, defend our reputation, and deal with evil far better than we ever could. 

Cultivating a life of wisdom in the presence of a foolish spouse, co-worker, child, or authority figure is not easy. In fact, it’s downright impossible without the Spirit of God living inside of us, helping us choose the kind of death that always leads to life. 

But through the cruciform life, we are free to live a flourishing life.

We are free to live a fragrant, fruitful, beautiful life, leaving evil in God’s more than capable hands.

Let this kind of life begin in you and in me today.

Questions to Consider:

• When was the last time you were offended? How did you respond?
• What seeds of evil are now in danger of growing in you due to your response?
• What would responding differently and wisely look like in the future?
• What would living the cruciform life look like in a decision you need to make today? What would it look like in the future?
• Is there someone suffering in their marriage who needs to hear the encouragement today that no matter what their circumstances or spouse’s choices are, their character is still their choice? Their godly character will always bear good fruit, even if it is years in the making.

Prayer to Pray:

Father, 

We don’t just want to profess to believe the cruciform life; we want to live the cruciform life through the power of the atonement, intercession, and encouragement from Your Son. In our most unfair or unjust circumstances, help us to remember that godly character is always our choice. Holding our tongues, turning our cheeks, and trusting in Your Word and ways will always bear eternal fruit. Keep us in step with Your Spirit that we might allow our suffering to shape us into wise people who take your gospel to a hurting world. In Jesus’ Name we pray, Amen.