The past two days have presented new challenges – doctors visits. I don’t know why, but doing anything new with Mia Grace always reveals a low level of anxiety and stress in me. Part of me wonders if each new outing will cause her anxiety or stress, part of me is trying to remember all of the questions I need to remember to ask each doctor concerning her health, part of me is trying to remember and figure exactly what I need to bring with me for an 18 month old – it’s amazing how quickly one forgets! – and then, of course, I’m balancing and juggling the other three.
I can’t tell you how strange it is to walk into a doctor’s office and fill out new patient forms for MG but have to leave so many questions and sections blank: was your child premature? Don’t know. Did the mother smoke or use drugs during pregnancy? Don’t know that one either. What is her family medical history? Cancer? Strokes? High Blood Pressure? No clue. When did she take her first steps? Not sure. Birth weight? There isn’t a record of it. Hospital delivered in? Don’t know that one either. Probably a hut in a village somewhere in southeast China.
Just like the stares of others can jar me (which, by the way, people have been giving us lots of smiles the past two days – it’s been great!), the realization of how much I don’t know about this child who is my daughter can jar me too. There is so much in her life I have missed up to this point, and many of those blanks I will never know how to fill in.
And there’s that great word. Mia Grace makes every step going forward so much easier and more joyful than I ever anticipated. She cried, legitimately cried, when our dentist, Dr. Harrison, looked in her mouth, and she was terrified when our pediatrician, Dr. Pielop, looked in her ears and down her throat. Praise God! I’ve never been more excited about normal 18 month old tears! And she turned to me to be comforted and was ABLE to be comforted after some rocking and pats on the back.
And the dentist’s and doctor’s reports were so positive. They were gentle and kind and encouraging with both Mia Grace and with me. Leaving their offices was like exhaling a huge pent up sigh of relief.
I left Dr. Pielop’s office today, relieved to have the first doctor’s visit behind us, and thought, “Well, that wasn’t so bad. Glad I don’t need to stress over things like that,” only to have two grown men running after me, flagging me down in the parking garage.
I had left the stroller sitting out behind my car, reversed, backed over the stroller, and started driving away…without a clue I had done any of those things. I was just relieved I had at least remembered to put Mia Grace in the car. Geez. Lizzie piped up from the back seat, “Are you embarrassed, mom?”
Yes, Lizzie, I am a little embarrassed. Thanks for pointing that out.
But Mia Grace proves time and again that I don’t need to stress – I just need to trust, day in and day out, new experience after new experience, first after first, that the Lord’s got this. He’s got her – always has – and He’s got me. The progress she has made in bonding and attachment with our family has truly been amazing. The only thing I can give credit to is prayer. She is joyful, sweet, loving, a cuddler, and already cries for momma. What a difference each day makes. It is literally as if the ground of her heart has been saturated with the prayers of so many of you for so long now that she simply is able to respond to us. She seems to be grasping the concept of “family” quickly, which is remarkable considering she spent almost every day of her life in an orphanage with no family and every night in a room with ten other beds of parentless children.
And if all that wasn’t enough, she has started sleeping through the night! We are on our second full night of sleep now, which is a great thing considering Jason described sleeping with her as like sleeping with a baby raccoon. Wherever you happen to be, she moves there, finds your exposed skin…and scratches. And moves. And kicks. So we were both relieved to have the baby raccoon sleep in the pack and play by our bed all through the night!
Please continue to pray for us and pray for her. For wisdom in our parenting decisions concerning her and our other three girls. For trust and not stress. And specifically, for Jason’s neck. He woke up with muscle spasms in his neck last night and has been in a great deal of pain.
Last thing, speaking of Jason, Mia Grace has been having a bit of a tough time with Dad ever since coming home to Houston. She sometimes starts to cry when he holds her and seems just a little unsure of this male presence she probably is not used to. Last night, Jason was holding her and started to tickle her and her laugh was so cute, I had to share it with you. Definitely making progress with Daddy:
We so appreciate each of you and the grace and love you have given our family through this season.
Hoping you sleep well,
The Baker Six